just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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