nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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