Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
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