I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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