2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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