I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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