You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
