Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I will die if light touches me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
