So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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