I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
