plz talk dirty to me
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
