Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
