I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
