Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
