i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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