you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
