It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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