Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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