i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
