and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
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marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
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I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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