it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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