i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I skipped work to stalk him.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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