he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well I just put wine in my tea
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
