I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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