You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
