Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
