You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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