i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
