I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
