The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
