I am in a vortex of obligation.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
