Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
