My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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