I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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