end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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