My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I need moral support for this bender
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
