Heybabeimwearingurpanties
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
