remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
