I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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