at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
