Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
