I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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