I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
