When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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