So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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