There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
