remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
