when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
