If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
