the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
