Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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