At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
