OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
