She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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