alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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