I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
