I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
