bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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