His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
