Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
