Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
