i'm signing you up for texting rehab
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
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we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
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The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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