he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
