im having a threesome with these popsicles
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
