Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
