please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't put those talents on a resume
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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