SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
