hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Less talking, more tequila
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
