You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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