im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
